Sunday, January 24, 2010

too many boys, so little time

Dear Prep,

Thank you for your consideration of my time. After this weekend (particularly today), I now know that rules must be instated, or I may pass out from sheer exhaustion:
1. Nobody who misuses your/you're. This should have been learned in 4th grade and is a sign of a clear lack of couth.
2. Nobody who went to a school that I have not heard of (stole this one from you).
3. Nobody who makes me feel ADD/like I want to leave/nauseous.
4. Age limit = 29. Except for ROG.
[5. Optional - nobody who isn't cute enough OR tall enough. - Still have yet to instate this one for reasons that will be described below.]

This week I went on 5 dates. Yes. 5. Here's a brief overview of what transpired:

1. Comic Book Guy (CBG) - My first online date! Cute! Nice! However, he was just as you'd expect a CBG to act - a little weird/off/superhero-y. I wanted to like him, but honestly, as he ordered his second soda, I felt a sense of remorse for going on this date in the first place and immediately wanted to leave. It just didn't work. Left with a hug.
2. J Salsa - The second guy I met on the street. I had met him walking home the previous Saturday, when he noticed that I was tall and asked if I wanted to go salsa dancing on Wednesday. He seemed nice enough and claimed to go to an ivy, so I figured that I had nothing else to do on a Wednesday night and he could probably hold a semi interesting conversation, and I actually went! It was really fun - there was a mini salsa lesson, then we danced the night away at this Latin club. Literally. I felt like I was living on the edge since I had never done something like this before, nor had I met many guys on the street. (Okay, this was the second one.) He also told me that my legs are uneven (who knew!) which was a little odd but helpful long term. We went to have pizza afterwards and he asked if I was available this weekend, so I said sure.
3. The Guy I Liked - This guy messaged me for a little and then asked me to go out on Thursday to this mini-pub type place which ended up having good drinks and a fireplace (!). It started out a little awkward, but it ended really well - lots of discussion, sarcasm, and just a general sense of actually clicking with someone. He got me a cab around 12 when we were each going home, which was a nice touch, and asked when we could do something again. We decided that he would call me on Saturday to see if I was free. This would have been The Date of the Rest of My Life had he been even 4" taller (we are exactly the same height) or really cute. Sadly, neither of these were true, so I am not sure where to leave this one. I really like him, but could I marry him/make out with him due to these issues? Not sure.
4. HVAC - An engineer who works on HVAC in commercial buildings. I wasn't so sure about this guy's plan because he asked me out for a Friday, and the place that he'd picked was called a dive bar on Yelp. However, I met him at the place and he immediately seemed really sweet - though the place was terrible. He had saved a seat at the bar for me and sort of apologized for the bar being how it was; I think that he was hoping it had some live music, but it was REALLY shady. I'm 95% sure that the bartender was coked out, and HVAC kept having to shield me and my belongings from people spilling cheap beers on me. It was endearing. He seemed a little blue collar in a way - like he's someone who squeaks by in life, but he actually had interesting conversation to talk about and seems like he thinks a lot, which is good. Around 12 we were talking about live music places, and he asked if I'd want to go to one, so I said sure and we went somewhere in the West Village. I was pretty surprised by this, because blue collar generally does not equal really sweet jazz club in the West Village to me, so I started to think that I'd judged this guy too quickly. We had a drink or two at the jazz place and stayed until about 2:30, then he grabbed a cab to drop me at my house and asked when we could hang out again (at this point I'm 3/3 for the week not counting CBG who clearly got the impression that I didn't have fun when I almost didn't hug him - sad). He supposedly will call me this week.
4.5. The Guy I Liked - Called me on Saturday, but I ended up being busy and didn't have time to do anything; continued texting while I was out and about, then he asked me to drinks with his friends, but I still couldn't go because I had already made plans for that time slot. Would have been interesting to see how date 2 would go, but maybe we'll do something this week, assuming that I ignore the last optional rule above and go with the fact that he is awesome in every other way besides vertical challenges.
5. Repeat of J Salsa - This was today (Sunday). All I have to say is, NEVER AGAIN. J Salsa asked me to go to a boat show, which seemed cool, so I did. We arrive at the place, and he says what I think is a joke about sneaking in the exit so that we don't have to purchase tickets (which are each $12 = total of $24). I found out that he wasn't joking when he walked up to strangers and asked if we could have their wristbands/tickets, and handed one to me while telling me how to put it on. Really? Really!!!! Are you serious? This was an immediate red flag. We go in the boat show, we're looking at boats, we're talking to people about purchasing boats, and everything is fine. Not great, because he's a little unpolished, but fine. We go to the slightly larger boat section and he tells me our plan, "Okay. We have a house in East Hampton and we want to get a boat for it." I'm thinking it's a little weird, but potentially funny, so I oblige to play along. We look at some more boats, then we get to the larger boats ($500K+) and J Salsa is still playing the "I'm buying a boat" game. I'm sitting on the top of one of these boats when I see J Salsa come up to the top, laughing, followed by one of the guys who's selling the boats. The boat salesman is taunting J Salsa and whips out his wallet to show us that he has at least 4 Benjamins in his wallet and is telling J Salsa that he doesn't have two pennies to rub together and says, "keep trying to impress your little girlfriend", meaning me. At this point J Salsa says, "she's not my girlfriend, hope you start loving life, buddy", and he cracks up. I was totally ashamed and wanted to cry/leave. Boat salesman walks back down the boat, and finally J Salsa and I come down from the roof. At this point, I basically RUN over to where my shoes were (they made us remove them to check out the boats) and begin planning my escape. Out of the corner of my eye, I see J Salsa and Boat Salesman still taunting each other, and J Salsa says something out of his breath like, "That guy wants to get punched." I'm wondering where the hell I am - did I inadvertently sign up for Jersey Shore? Oh jeez. J Salsa FINALLY puts on his shoes after what seems like five very long minutes of taunting Boat Salesman and we continue walking around the boat show (now in quasi silence) for about 15 minutes, at which point he asks if I'm tired (I say yes) and grabs a cab to take me home. Thank goodness. The weirdest part was that he thought it went well, and he asked me out again! What the hell! You almost got into a FIGHT AT A BOAT SHOW AFTER STEALING TICKETS FROM STRANGERS!!!!

This brings me to your point, and the fact that all these dates have one thing in common - I wasn't sure but still agreed to another date. When J Salsa asked me out, and when all the other guys asked me, I always said "sure", even though I definitely wasn't 100% sure. I mean, yes, today when J Salsa asked if I could do salsa on Wednesday I said that I was busy, but I sure didn't say, "well, you basically did a terrible move when you nearly fought with the boat salesman after not even paying for boat show tickets - who do you think I am?" And why not? Wouldn't it have been good for this guy to at least KNOW that this is not acceptable adult behavior? Sigh.

I hate the blowoff... but I can't admit that I never do it. I'd rather go out with someone twice than admit that I don't want to go out with someone again.

All I really want is a nice, smart, normal yet funny guy who's at least a few inches taller than me and is reasonably cute. I don't feel like this is out of the question here. Is that so much to ask??

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