first blindish dates

Priss,

Second week on the site, and I had 3 dates. Not a bad yield if you ask me. I call these dates 'blindish' because the pre-qualifying internet research allows one to disqualify the mustachioed and obviously insane. So I didn't expect any of these dates to be as comically bad as movies and TV depict purely blind dates. But the basic problem is that, since interaction began with a clinical assessment of photographs and written statements rather than a locked-eyes glance, you won't know if there's any chemistry until you get there.


Date Number 1: Featuring, "The Twins"

SO for my first date I decided to come out swinging. Cocktails at the Standard, I suavely suggest. Keep in mind that interaction with this one began with her "winking" at me, which I figured meant I more or less already had this one in the bag. I didn't even initiate contact, after all.

Arrive at the Standard Grill's bar and sort of meekly look around for a girl fitting the descrip. Send out a text after a few minutes with the terse reply, "here" as I see a girl coming through the entrance. She walks up to me and I see in her eyes the sinking realization that we're exactly at eye level. Well, honey, all I can say is, if you're five five, don't wear 3 inch heels on a date where you already know the guy is five eight. I mean, srsly now. Basic considerations. I knew from that moment on I'd be facing an uphill battle. But an hour into conversation I figure I'm making headway; getting touches on the knees, playing with hair, general energetic atmosphere on the face. On the walk home I'm getting teased for my inexperience with New York. I give her a hug and she says, "We'll talk soon?!" and I say, 'definitely.'

I texted her the day after the date annnnd.....no reply. This one only goes to show that, if you're too short for a girl's tastes, it really doesn't matter what you say. Oh, also, I felt a lot less suave about suggesting the Standard after getting a bill for $65 for four drinks. New rule: I'm leaving meatpacking to the bankers and not spending more than 30 bucks on first blindish dates. Just not worth it. And why is she called the "Twins" you ask? Because she was wearing a low-cut vneck that said, "I'm from Rhode Island and my entire extended family can be over for Sunday dinner in 20 minutes." Ladies, leave the twins in the garage on the first date, unless you're looking to go home with The Situation.

Date Number 2: Featuring, "O-BUitful"

Okay, so this girl's nickname isn't exactly fair: she was raised Baptist but cast off those shackles long ago. That being said, certain of the details that emerged over the course of the evening are quite concerning: attended Oklahoma Baptist University (come again?), parents wouldn't approve of her moving in with a guy she wasn't married to, etc. So far as OBU goes, suffice it to say that if you google this institution, the 3rd and 4th returns you get are men's and women's basketball rosters.

So I get there a few minutes early and order a beer. The bartender slides my credit card back to me and says, "cash only". My guess is that it wouldn't have been more obvious I was invading Ft. Greene from Manhattan if I had showed up in Bloomberg's chopper.

For my first act, I greeted her, turned back towards the bar and promptly knocked over my beer. Good start. Blah blah blah, 3 hours of conversation, long story short she texted me the next day (before I even contacted her) and wants another go-round. This one's more or less in the bag, if I decide I can stomach the academic pedigree.

Date Number 3: Featuring, "The Destitute Philosopher"

SO this girl's a Ph.D. student in philosophy, which in a way is instant bonus points because at least we know we'll have something to talk about. Problem is, she said, "yeahh" too much, also went to crappy schools, is in a non-supported Ph.D. program, and apparently will now struggle to afford $600/month in rent. yikes. There's nothing for $600/month within approximately 15 miles of my zip code, so unless I'm jonesin' for a long distance relationship, I think this one is out.

But more to the point, Priss, I need to add another complication to my girlfriend curve: income and career prospects. If my plan is powerpair my way to $250k/year, clearly destitute ph.d. students are not in the running. Man I should've gone to Dartmouth so I could start trolling Ivy Plus - http://www.ivyplussociety.org - for young attorneys.